Gratitude

I was feeling pretty down today.  I got some crummy news last night, and I fell back into that pattern of feeling disappointed and depressed.  Trying to keep the faith though...that things will work out the way they are supposed to and be grateful for what I do have instead of focusing on what I don't.  Not gonna lie, it's can be really hard to keep up that attitude of gratitude so I guess now would be the time to ask for God's grace to get through this day and to hold on to the thought that:

My hopeful thought for you today:  that when you feel low, you can still find something to thank God for. 

Asking the Right Question

There is no end to the list of things  have to get done.  There is not shortage of tasks that I can choose from.  For the longest time I would always pray: "...please help me to accomplish all the things that I want to get accomplished" and then tomorrow would come and I wouldn't get half the things done that I wanted to get done.  It's little unanswered requests like that which would chip away at my patience and add to my frustrations with God.  "Why didn't you help me do everything on my list?" is usually what I would think to myself at the end of the day with great irritation.  But an interesting thing happened not to long ago.  I've recently started listening to a Christian music radio station (turns out it's quite soothing to the soul after a bad break-up and for those drives home after long day at work).  Anyways this song came on the radio called "Today" by NewWorlddson.  I actually listened to the lyrics and the chorus of the song actually spoke to me.  It goes: 

"Maybe this time you can take the lead.  And I won't try to pull you by the sleeve.  Because every time I think that I know better I loose my way.  So God, what you wanna do today?" 

It was like something suddenly clicked and I remembered a conversation I had with my graduate supervisor about a month ago (oh yeah, I'm also doing my Master's degree in Nursing).  We were discussing what question I could possibly come up with for my thesis and she said something to me along the lines of:  "in research, it's not about asking just any question it's about asking the right question".  At the time, the remark was completely useless to me, I just wanted her to tell me what to do so I could get started with my work, (although now I realize she absolutely right and I'm happy to say I'm finally beginning to formulate a research question). 

But as I listened to that song, I realized that her comment could also be applied to my prayer life.  If I am supposed to completely trust God and let Him guide me in my life, then I need to do what it is He wants me to do.  I think that by doing that, it puts me on the right path.  On the right journey.  Perhaps this whole time, I was making the wrong request.  So instead of asking God to help me accomplish what I want to get done, I've changed the question.  Instead I'll pray something along the lines of "...God, even though I have about a million things that I need to get done today, I ask that You please help me to do the things that You want me to get done today". 

You'd be surprised how often the things I had in mind were the things, apparently, He had in mind too.  But more than that, I find myself taking time to do things that I wouldn't usually do; like picking up the phone and having conversation with my dad, or sending a text to friend that I haven't spoken to in a while, or writing a blog about my journey with God.  And at the end of the day even though I didn't get everything done that I wanted to accomplish, I still feel like I did everything God needed me to accomplish that day.  Letting God take control like this and changing my mindset is a challenge every day because I really do have about a million other things I ought to be doing.  But I guess part of having faith is believing that God will still help you get it all done.  Yes I've lost thirty minutes of study/lit review time by writing this blog today but I have to trust it will still work out in the end.  And I do feel like this is what I supposed to do before I started my work.....just a thought I wanted to share.

So my hopeful thought for you today is that you discover the right questions to ask in your prayers and your conversations with God; so that those prayers and coversations become at least a little less frustrating.  I also hope that you enjoy "Today" by NewWorldson:

Stay Blessed <3

Feeling a little stuck??? Turning towards instead of away

The last couple of days have been interesting yet ordinary, so I'll focus on the ordinary conversation I had with coworker that led to an interesting reflection.  I was chatting with my colleauge who was feeling a little frustrated.  She asked me "do you ever feel like you're stuck in your life?  Like you're not going anywhere?"  To which I replied "oooohhh yes!!!"  We talked a bit more about how the plans she had been trying to make for her self just kept falling apart or not working out the way she wanted them to. I thought about the number of times I've made plans in my life and how they have fallen through and the disappointment and frustration that comes with it (especially since I'm a bit of a control freak perfectionist).  I thought about how often I have asked God: "why are you letting this happen??? Everyone else around me is doing something, headed somewhere, seeing their plans come to fruition, while I'm here stuck in the same place I've been in for such a long time.  What about me???".  The questioning would lead to anger which would lead to me turning away from God and trying to do it on my own, which would lead to more failures (I think in part because I was doing it in frustration and not with a clear and focused mind).

But lately, when my plans fall through, I have slowly learned to turn to God to ask for help and guidance and understanding as to why things did not work out the way I wanted them too.  I have to believe that God wants what's best for me even when it doesn't feel like it.  So when things don't go the way I expect them to go (after I've put in so much time and effort) I have to trust God that it was for a good reason.  And while it feels like it takes forever to understand why things aren't working (after months and months and months I'm STILL waiting to understand certain things) at the very least the frustration and disappoint feels a little less, now that I turn towards God instead of away from Him (and believe me when I say turning towards instead of away has taken A LOT of effort on my part).  Those negative feelings are still there for sure, but not as...intense?    Just something to think about....

My hopeful thought for you today is: when you expereience that disappointment, heartbreak, or failure or you feel hopeless or stuck in your life, instead of getting angry with God, that you make the effort to at least try to turn towards instead of away from Him;  ask Him to help you understand and get through it.  And to consider this...just because it didn't work out now doesn't mean it won't work out in the future!  (More on that and a little bit more about me in the next blog)

Stay blessed <3

So it begins...

I've never blogged like this before, but I wanted to do something meaningful.  Hopefully create something that matters and could help someone struggling to make sense of it all.  I'm not sure where this is going to lead but hopefully this blog will find the people it is meant to find and give them hopeful thoughts or something to hold on in those dark moments in their lives. 

My journey has been an twisty, bumpy, complicated, road-block filled journey.  I'm slowly learning to turn to God instead of away from him when things are tough.  So I suppose that is the purpose of this blog.  To show others the way God has worked in my life during the good, the bad, the ugly, and really ugly.  It'll be good for me too, because I can tell you right now my relationship with God has been a tumultous one.  It's not all "happy, happy, joy, joy".  In fact it's been a struggle day in and day out to try to understand what is going on; what God is doing; why things are the way they are; so many questions, so many doubts, so many concerns.  Where is God in all of this???

As I blog, hopefully I'll be able to discover the answer to this question more and more.  And hopefully this will also help someone who is questioning their faith or feeling spiritually troubled.  I suppose time will tell....

My hopeful thought for your today:  that you find at least one thing in your day that you are grateful for (grateful in general or grateful to God it's up to you :) )  <3