Happy New Year! -- Happy New Reason to Blog!

It's a Happy New Year and a Happy New Reason to Blog! Why? Because I've finally made the decision to pursue becoming a doctor! and my hope is that this blog will serve as a testimony to this journey that I intend to take. And I think this will be a great story because, boy oh boy, do I ever the decks stacked against me! I've had this thought of becoming a physician since I was in high school, even though I didn't realize that what it was back then, and it has stuck with me 13 years later.  Yup! I'm a 30 something with a lot to do to make this dream happen!  I've heard people ask the question: if you didn't have to worry about money, bills, obligations to others, anything at all, what would you do with your life? For me, the answer has always been become a doctor. But those bills, obligations to others, and everything else has always gotten in the way.  I was fortunate enough to end up in nursing and for the most part, I thoroughly enjoy working as a nurse, it's an incredible profession, and believe me when tell you, nurses rock! but for me, there has always been this small nagging feeling that this isn't my ultimate niche.  It's close, but not quite right.  I can't explain exactly why, it's just how I feel.

 Now for the testimony part: Joyce Meyer makes a simple but incredibly key point in her book "Trusting God Day by Day" for January 16th: God is all that we need. That doesn't mean that I don't have to study my ass off for the MCAT, take extra courses to boost up my GPA, get stellar references, etc. I still have to do all those things, but if I do my part, I can leave the rest up to God to take care of. I was thinking about it like this: we have free will to do whatever we want, and no matter what we choose (as long as it's coming from a good place and not an truly evil place), God will give us what we need to get it done, as long as we keep the faith that He will do so.
Having faith is one thing, keeping the faith in times of trouble is quite another.  For example, I faced a major, unexpected, unpleasant, and proloooooonged delay in my thesis work, and came very close to walking away from it all out of frustration and loosing hoping that I would overcome this problem at the end of last year. My mother, encouraged me to stick it out and trust that God would take of it.  It was so strange, becasue during that time I kept running in to people who would say, "God has a reason for all of this", "trust God", "God has plan for that it will work in your favor" and eventually, that's exactly what happened. It took a while, but everything lined up perfectly in the end.  In fact, the new situation that I am in now, is part of the reason why I'm choosing this med school route at this time in my life.
I also came across a blog last night that was a former ER nurse turned physician. There was so much of what she said that resonated with me: feeling like I've been at the starting line all these years and I'm finally ready to actually start, the highs and lows of the whole process, the fact that you never really get to that final destination until you're a full fledged attending physician and even then you'll be working to stay current and on top of things. The whole thing gave me serious pause about whether or not this was something that I really wanted to pursue...turns out the answer is yes! 

After reading her blog I thought about it a lot, thought about what Joyce Meyer wrote, thought about how this desire was planted in my heart all those years ago still hasn't gone away, and I thought to myself if God could sit me down and have a conversation with me he'd probably say something like: "you've read that blog so you have a bit of an idea about what you'd have to face.  You have free will so can choose to do whatever you want, you can take this road if you want too and I'll be there to provide for you.  But you know very well, how your faith wanes in times of trouble, so you'd really have to not give up on Me if you're going to do this.  I'll carry you through, even when it doesn't feel like I am, but you have to keep believing that, even in the darkest times, and not give up on yourself or on Me".  And that's the plan.  I know I have a lot of hurdles to face and a lot opposition to overcome, but this is what I want to do. I don't want to be on my deathbed one day regretting that I didn't at least try to see this  through.  I want to grow in my faith and in my trust of God's plan for me and this will certainly test it.  I am scared, I am nervous, I am uncertain, but I am also ready for this challenge and I am excited to share this experience with you :)

So say a prayer for me!  It's time to go!     

So what was the point?

Ok, so the entire point of doing this blog was to show how God has worked wonders in my life and always seems to come through when I let Him.  I'll be the first to admit that I feel a bit self-concious about writing a blog like this because, while my faith has always been important to me, it's not something I go out of my to broadcast to ANYONE.  In fact, I make it a point to keep my faith life to myself in all social situations, plus there's always a tonne of other things to talk about!

 However, in internet world if you don't like what you are reading you don't have to read it, you can just click on to the next web page.  Since that's the case, then I'm not shoving my faith or my testimonies down your throat.  You have the option not to read this and just move on, and this way I'm not stepping on anybody's toes.  And, if you are  looking for some inspiration because it feels like your faith has been waning, or has been non-existent for a long time, then you have the option to continue to read on so that maybe you might find some sort of inspiration from all this ramblig.  So that's why I'm choosing to blog about my faith experience in this form.

........

It's been a while since I wrote something but I actually had a moment to spare today before heading out to work.  I can't believe how busy things have been.  I'm finally working on my proposal and hopefully it'll be done by next week.  I've set a pretty lofty goal for myself, but I think it's doable.  I've been struggling so much with my faith lately.  It still feels like I'm stuck in my life and going now where some days.  I'm praying things will change for the better soon.  Actually, I think things may slowly be starting to turn around.  I actually managed to stand up for myself somewhat at work the other day, and my meeting for my research went better than I had expected.  I'm grateful for both of these things because they're my  biggest issues that I'm facing right now.  I just have to keep trying not to loose the faith each time I feel like giving up on God.  It's definitely not always easy, it's a struggle every day, but I guess I have to at least try. 

I'm also going to try to start working out again.  I actually already love my body and I'm not really looking to loose weight, I just want to tone some things up.   I'm going to give myfitnesspal at try, i think it uses self-efficacy theory to keep you motivated.  If you're interested in challenging yourself to stay fit give their website a try: My Fitness Pal

Anyways, have a good week to anyone who happens upon this little blog!  :)

Just Something to Share

I'm in the beginning thows of my research/thesis so I haven't kept up with this blog in a little bit.  My apologies if anyone is actually reading this.... Anyways, I've had this song in my head all morning so I thought it was something I could share.  It's by TobyMac called "Steal My Show".  It's a nice reminder about letting go and letting God take over. 

My hopeful thought for you today: simply that you have a great weekend, that you enjoy this song, and that you think about how this can apply to your own personal journey. 

Stay blessed <3

Uncomfortable Situations

I have a little confession to make.  There is something in my life that is missing and that I want to for myself more than anything.  Tonnes of people around me have it and I'm constantly being reminded that it's the thing that I don't have.  I often wonder if there is something wrong with me, or if I did something to keep me from having this.  Today, I spent the evening with two people who have this thing that I truly long for in my heart.  In the past, I've typically gotten really upset about constantly being reminded of the what is was that I still don't have.  To be honest, I feel a little sad even now as I write this post.

But I did something a bit different today.  I'm half way through reading Joyce Meyer's "Never Give Up" and in a section of the book she talks about how she was constantly being put in situations where she was around people that would remind her of her abusive father.  No matter how much she tried to avoid it, she would be placed in those situations.  Today I remembered that section of her book as  I spent my evening with a couple around my age and with a baby on the way.  So instead of feeling completely depressed about yet another reminder of what I don't have, I actually followed Joyce Meyer's advice and I: stopped. and actually prayed about it.  I basically said: "God, even though I've enjoyed the company this evening, and I am truly happy for this couple (because they are totally awesome), a part of me feels really sad each time I have to face this situation and lately I've had to face this situation a lot.  If there is something that I am supposed to learn from this please bless me with the grace of discernment so I can face what ever it is you want me to face, deal with it, learn from it, and continue to move forward".  This may seem trivial to the observer, but for me it's a huge step in looking to God during a difficult moment. 

I think Joyce is right.  I think God puts us in uncomfortable situations repeatedly to try to get us to face the thing that is really bothering us.  You can't run away from it forever...come to think of it, I've seen people who have tried and BELIEVE ME when I tell you, it has NOT worked out so well for them. 

So I think the purpose of this evening, for me, ended up being two fold: 1- to identify why I feel sad and lonely when I see others making plans (like what specifically elicits those feelings) and 2- to learn from this couple about what it is that makes their relationship so strong so that maybe I can apply those principles to my own circumstance if I ever get the chance again.

So my hopeful thought for you today is this: that if you are constantly being put in the same uncomfortable situation that instead of running from it or avoiding it, that you are able to stop.  and take a moment to pray and ask God to help you learn or face what ever it is you need to learn or face from that situation so that you can continue to move forward.....

Stay Blessed <3

Never Give Up!

This post will be pretty brief.  I've been facing many obstacles as of late in terms of getting my work done and getting my life in order.  Prayer helps, but I've needed something more tangible lately and that something has come in the form of Joyce Meyer's book "Never Give Up".   I highly reccommend it for anyone who needs encouragement to accomplish the thing they think they cannot do or for anyone is feeling unsatisfied, depressed, hopeless, or low, with their life in anyway.  It's really inspirational and has left me feeling full of hope.  It may even help you take those beginning steps toward relying on God, more than relying on yourself.  You can probably get it from your local library.  Or just order it online from here:

http://www.joycemeyer.org/productfamily.aspx?category=books


My hopeful thought for you today:  that you Never Give Up!  Ever!

Gratitude

I was feeling pretty down today.  I got some crummy news last night, and I fell back into that pattern of feeling disappointed and depressed.  Trying to keep the faith though...that things will work out the way they are supposed to and be grateful for what I do have instead of focusing on what I don't.  Not gonna lie, it's can be really hard to keep up that attitude of gratitude so I guess now would be the time to ask for God's grace to get through this day and to hold on to the thought that:

My hopeful thought for you today:  that when you feel low, you can still find something to thank God for.