........

It's been a while since I wrote something but I actually had a moment to spare today before heading out to work.  I can't believe how busy things have been.  I'm finally working on my proposal and hopefully it'll be done by next week.  I've set a pretty lofty goal for myself, but I think it's doable.  I've been struggling so much with my faith lately.  It still feels like I'm stuck in my life and going now where some days.  I'm praying things will change for the better soon.  Actually, I think things may slowly be starting to turn around.  I actually managed to stand up for myself somewhat at work the other day, and my meeting for my research went better than I had expected.  I'm grateful for both of these things because they're my  biggest issues that I'm facing right now.  I just have to keep trying not to loose the faith each time I feel like giving up on God.  It's definitely not always easy, it's a struggle every day, but I guess I have to at least try. 

I'm also going to try to start working out again.  I actually already love my body and I'm not really looking to loose weight, I just want to tone some things up.   I'm going to give myfitnesspal at try, i think it uses self-efficacy theory to keep you motivated.  If you're interested in challenging yourself to stay fit give their website a try: My Fitness Pal

Anyways, have a good week to anyone who happens upon this little blog!  :)

Just Something to Share

I'm in the beginning thows of my research/thesis so I haven't kept up with this blog in a little bit.  My apologies if anyone is actually reading this.... Anyways, I've had this song in my head all morning so I thought it was something I could share.  It's by TobyMac called "Steal My Show".  It's a nice reminder about letting go and letting God take over. 

My hopeful thought for you today: simply that you have a great weekend, that you enjoy this song, and that you think about how this can apply to your own personal journey. 

Stay blessed <3

Uncomfortable Situations

I have a little confession to make.  There is something in my life that is missing and that I want to for myself more than anything.  Tonnes of people around me have it and I'm constantly being reminded that it's the thing that I don't have.  I often wonder if there is something wrong with me, or if I did something to keep me from having this.  Today, I spent the evening with two people who have this thing that I truly long for in my heart.  In the past, I've typically gotten really upset about constantly being reminded of the what is was that I still don't have.  To be honest, I feel a little sad even now as I write this post.

But I did something a bit different today.  I'm half way through reading Joyce Meyer's "Never Give Up" and in a section of the book she talks about how she was constantly being put in situations where she was around people that would remind her of her abusive father.  No matter how much she tried to avoid it, she would be placed in those situations.  Today I remembered that section of her book as  I spent my evening with a couple around my age and with a baby on the way.  So instead of feeling completely depressed about yet another reminder of what I don't have, I actually followed Joyce Meyer's advice and I: stopped. and actually prayed about it.  I basically said: "God, even though I've enjoyed the company this evening, and I am truly happy for this couple (because they are totally awesome), a part of me feels really sad each time I have to face this situation and lately I've had to face this situation a lot.  If there is something that I am supposed to learn from this please bless me with the grace of discernment so I can face what ever it is you want me to face, deal with it, learn from it, and continue to move forward".  This may seem trivial to the observer, but for me it's a huge step in looking to God during a difficult moment. 

I think Joyce is right.  I think God puts us in uncomfortable situations repeatedly to try to get us to face the thing that is really bothering us.  You can't run away from it forever...come to think of it, I've seen people who have tried and BELIEVE ME when I tell you, it has NOT worked out so well for them. 

So I think the purpose of this evening, for me, ended up being two fold: 1- to identify why I feel sad and lonely when I see others making plans (like what specifically elicits those feelings) and 2- to learn from this couple about what it is that makes their relationship so strong so that maybe I can apply those principles to my own circumstance if I ever get the chance again.

So my hopeful thought for you today is this: that if you are constantly being put in the same uncomfortable situation that instead of running from it or avoiding it, that you are able to stop.  and take a moment to pray and ask God to help you learn or face what ever it is you need to learn or face from that situation so that you can continue to move forward.....

Stay Blessed <3

Never Give Up!

This post will be pretty brief.  I've been facing many obstacles as of late in terms of getting my work done and getting my life in order.  Prayer helps, but I've needed something more tangible lately and that something has come in the form of Joyce Meyer's book "Never Give Up".   I highly reccommend it for anyone who needs encouragement to accomplish the thing they think they cannot do or for anyone is feeling unsatisfied, depressed, hopeless, or low, with their life in anyway.  It's really inspirational and has left me feeling full of hope.  It may even help you take those beginning steps toward relying on God, more than relying on yourself.  You can probably get it from your local library.  Or just order it online from here:

http://www.joycemeyer.org/productfamily.aspx?category=books


My hopeful thought for you today:  that you Never Give Up!  Ever!

Gratitude

I was feeling pretty down today.  I got some crummy news last night, and I fell back into that pattern of feeling disappointed and depressed.  Trying to keep the faith though...that things will work out the way they are supposed to and be grateful for what I do have instead of focusing on what I don't.  Not gonna lie, it's can be really hard to keep up that attitude of gratitude so I guess now would be the time to ask for God's grace to get through this day and to hold on to the thought that:

My hopeful thought for you today:  that when you feel low, you can still find something to thank God for. 

Asking the Right Question

There is no end to the list of things  have to get done.  There is not shortage of tasks that I can choose from.  For the longest time I would always pray: "...please help me to accomplish all the things that I want to get accomplished" and then tomorrow would come and I wouldn't get half the things done that I wanted to get done.  It's little unanswered requests like that which would chip away at my patience and add to my frustrations with God.  "Why didn't you help me do everything on my list?" is usually what I would think to myself at the end of the day with great irritation.  But an interesting thing happened not to long ago.  I've recently started listening to a Christian music radio station (turns out it's quite soothing to the soul after a bad break-up and for those drives home after long day at work).  Anyways this song came on the radio called "Today" by NewWorlddson.  I actually listened to the lyrics and the chorus of the song actually spoke to me.  It goes: 

"Maybe this time you can take the lead.  And I won't try to pull you by the sleeve.  Because every time I think that I know better I loose my way.  So God, what you wanna do today?" 

It was like something suddenly clicked and I remembered a conversation I had with my graduate supervisor about a month ago (oh yeah, I'm also doing my Master's degree in Nursing).  We were discussing what question I could possibly come up with for my thesis and she said something to me along the lines of:  "in research, it's not about asking just any question it's about asking the right question".  At the time, the remark was completely useless to me, I just wanted her to tell me what to do so I could get started with my work, (although now I realize she absolutely right and I'm happy to say I'm finally beginning to formulate a research question). 

But as I listened to that song, I realized that her comment could also be applied to my prayer life.  If I am supposed to completely trust God and let Him guide me in my life, then I need to do what it is He wants me to do.  I think that by doing that, it puts me on the right path.  On the right journey.  Perhaps this whole time, I was making the wrong request.  So instead of asking God to help me accomplish what I want to get done, I've changed the question.  Instead I'll pray something along the lines of "...God, even though I have about a million things that I need to get done today, I ask that You please help me to do the things that You want me to get done today". 

You'd be surprised how often the things I had in mind were the things, apparently, He had in mind too.  But more than that, I find myself taking time to do things that I wouldn't usually do; like picking up the phone and having conversation with my dad, or sending a text to friend that I haven't spoken to in a while, or writing a blog about my journey with God.  And at the end of the day even though I didn't get everything done that I wanted to accomplish, I still feel like I did everything God needed me to accomplish that day.  Letting God take control like this and changing my mindset is a challenge every day because I really do have about a million other things I ought to be doing.  But I guess part of having faith is believing that God will still help you get it all done.  Yes I've lost thirty minutes of study/lit review time by writing this blog today but I have to trust it will still work out in the end.  And I do feel like this is what I supposed to do before I started my work.....just a thought I wanted to share.

So my hopeful thought for you today is that you discover the right questions to ask in your prayers and your conversations with God; so that those prayers and coversations become at least a little less frustrating.  I also hope that you enjoy "Today" by NewWorldson:

Stay Blessed <3

Feeling a little stuck??? Turning towards instead of away

The last couple of days have been interesting yet ordinary, so I'll focus on the ordinary conversation I had with coworker that led to an interesting reflection.  I was chatting with my colleauge who was feeling a little frustrated.  She asked me "do you ever feel like you're stuck in your life?  Like you're not going anywhere?"  To which I replied "oooohhh yes!!!"  We talked a bit more about how the plans she had been trying to make for her self just kept falling apart or not working out the way she wanted them to. I thought about the number of times I've made plans in my life and how they have fallen through and the disappointment and frustration that comes with it (especially since I'm a bit of a control freak perfectionist).  I thought about how often I have asked God: "why are you letting this happen??? Everyone else around me is doing something, headed somewhere, seeing their plans come to fruition, while I'm here stuck in the same place I've been in for such a long time.  What about me???".  The questioning would lead to anger which would lead to me turning away from God and trying to do it on my own, which would lead to more failures (I think in part because I was doing it in frustration and not with a clear and focused mind).

But lately, when my plans fall through, I have slowly learned to turn to God to ask for help and guidance and understanding as to why things did not work out the way I wanted them too.  I have to believe that God wants what's best for me even when it doesn't feel like it.  So when things don't go the way I expect them to go (after I've put in so much time and effort) I have to trust God that it was for a good reason.  And while it feels like it takes forever to understand why things aren't working (after months and months and months I'm STILL waiting to understand certain things) at the very least the frustration and disappoint feels a little less, now that I turn towards God instead of away from Him (and believe me when I say turning towards instead of away has taken A LOT of effort on my part).  Those negative feelings are still there for sure, but not as...intense?    Just something to think about....

My hopeful thought for you today is: when you expereience that disappointment, heartbreak, or failure or you feel hopeless or stuck in your life, instead of getting angry with God, that you make the effort to at least try to turn towards instead of away from Him;  ask Him to help you understand and get through it.  And to consider this...just because it didn't work out now doesn't mean it won't work out in the future!  (More on that and a little bit more about me in the next blog)

Stay blessed <3

So it begins...

I've never blogged like this before, but I wanted to do something meaningful.  Hopefully create something that matters and could help someone struggling to make sense of it all.  I'm not sure where this is going to lead but hopefully this blog will find the people it is meant to find and give them hopeful thoughts or something to hold on in those dark moments in their lives. 

My journey has been an twisty, bumpy, complicated, road-block filled journey.  I'm slowly learning to turn to God instead of away from him when things are tough.  So I suppose that is the purpose of this blog.  To show others the way God has worked in my life during the good, the bad, the ugly, and really ugly.  It'll be good for me too, because I can tell you right now my relationship with God has been a tumultous one.  It's not all "happy, happy, joy, joy".  In fact it's been a struggle day in and day out to try to understand what is going on; what God is doing; why things are the way they are; so many questions, so many doubts, so many concerns.  Where is God in all of this???

As I blog, hopefully I'll be able to discover the answer to this question more and more.  And hopefully this will also help someone who is questioning their faith or feeling spiritually troubled.  I suppose time will tell....

My hopeful thought for your today:  that you find at least one thing in your day that you are grateful for (grateful in general or grateful to God it's up to you :) )  <3